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Header: Jess Anderson in Madison Wisconsin
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Boyfriends
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For me, "boyfriend" is a great term. It includes relationships of all-encompassing emotional attachment -- the ones many people call "lovers" -- as well as less intense friendships that nevertheless involved serious infatuation. As a result, this list includes everybody I've been in some sense "in love" with.

Another virtue to the term is that I don't like associating taxonomies with people. I'd rather not try to decide who was a lover and who was something else. It's obvious some people have counted for a great deal in my life, but love is not so quantifiable that I could line up twenty-three people in the order of how much I loved them. So don't read anything into the fact that they're presented in a table here.

In addition, some of the people in this table are totally straight, and though I have loved them and with some even had a physical relationship (affection and in some cases overt sex), they were not lovers in the usual sense. I've arranged the list in a three-column table of links, live-in boyfriends on the left, other major ones in the middle, less-major ones on the right.

Finally, this listing does not include everyone I've had a sexual encounter with. That would be about 100 different people, I think.

Live-in boyfriends Major boyfriends Other boyfriends
Louis, 1946-51
Don, 1950
David, 1951-53
Nino, 1953
Alan, 1953-56
Alan, 1954
Arvid, 1957-59
Don, 1959-61
Art, 1960
Dean, 1961
Tom, 1961-62
Ron, 1962-73
Lloyd, 1969
Paul, 1970
Steve, 1971
Westy, 1971
Steve, 1972-74
Eddie, 1974
Steven, 1974-78
Steve, 1979
Roger, 1982-83

Note: Writing about my boyfriends has proved to be a strange experience for me. Some of them were the absolute center of my life for longish periods. I've found it really difficult to provide much sense of what they were like as sovereign human beings. I hope eventually to fill in many details and better describe the reality that was the person and our relationship.

Revisions, 2007
In the spring of 2007 I decided to revise some things here. "Boyfriend" just isn't the appropriate term for the two guys (Stu and Joey) who used to be the last items in the right-hand column above.

Important, on-going, constantly developing close friendships exist between me and Stu, and between me and Joey. We have bonds that I'm sure count a lot for them, as they do for me. Also, in a way that the earlier people aren't (at least not now), Stu and Joey are part of my present experience, practically every day, in one way or another.

Accordingly, I continue the stories of these friendships as a separate category here, rather than as part of the earlier experience.

Stuart, 1983-date
Joey (1), 1993-96
Joey (2), 2003-05
Joey (3), 2006-date

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